Funny Jokes/Memes

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    • One love, one heart
      Let's get together and feeeeeel all right
      Hear the children crying (One love)
      Hear the children crying (One heart)
      Sayin', "Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right
      Sayin', "Let's get together and feeeeeel all right
      Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
      "I know not what weapons WW3 will be fought, but WW4 will be fought with sticks & stones."
      -Einstein
      "Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind."
      -Kennedy
      "There's a plot in this country to enslave every man, woman and child. Before I leave this high and noble office I intend to expose this plot."
      -Kennedy,week before his asassanation
    • THREE THINGS YOU MUST REMEMBER FROM ME-
      1:When you play,never foget to research as many technology as you can-later will be useful
      2:.Don't overbuild-Or when the fuel bills come,you will cry .
      3:First attack playable countries-or later they will eat you alive.
      thanks for reading.
    • Hahahahaa......
      I will die laughing to this post.
      THREE THINGS YOU MUST REMEMBER FROM ME-
      1:When you play,never foget to research as many technology as you can-later will be useful
      2:.Don't overbuild-Or when the fuel bills come,you will cry .
      3:First attack playable countries-or later they will eat you alive.
      thanks for reading.
    • The new recruit

      A new recruit arrives on the front lines during world war 2. When he gets there he is told resources are stretched thin and they have not rifles to spare him, although they still expect him to go on patrol. He goes straight to his captain and explains the situation, the captain hands him a broom and tells him if he sees any germans to point the broom handle at them and shout "BANG BANG BANGITY BANG" to kill them. The recruit thinks this is the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard but he has no choice so he agrees and heads out. While on patrol he comes across a German soldier. The German reaches for his rifle, so with no other option the recruit points his broom and shouts "BANG BANG BANGITY BANG" and to his surprise the German drops dead. When he arrives back he immediately thanks the captain.
      A couple of weeks went by and our guy had become quite the crackshot, even having a telescopic sight fixed to his broom. One day he was scouting the enemy position from under some bushes when he bumps into a German crawling the other way, in the cramped space he barely manages to point his broom at the German in time, so he returns to his captain and demands a weapon for close quarters combat. The captain takes a piece of string out of his drawer and tells him to hit an enemy with it and shout "STAB STAB STABBITY STAB". This time he trusts the captain and sure enough it works great.
      Another couple of weeks go by and our guy is a legend. He kills dozens of Germans with his broom and string and receives several awards. One day while on patrol in a forest he sees a crazy German soldier in the distance running towards him and shouting at the top of his voice. He is pretty confident in his abilities, takes careful aim and shouts "BANG BANG BANGITY BANG" but the German keeps on coming. He aims again "BANG BANG BANGITY BANG" and again nothing. The German is getting really close so he takes out his string, but as he swings it out and shouts "STAB STAB STABBITY STAB" the German just runs straight into him, knocking him clear off his feet into a tree and breaking several bones. As he lies there dying the German slows down and comes back for a look. He finds our hero lying crushed on the ground asking how this happened. He laughs, turns around and runs off, resuming his shouts of "TANK TANK TANKITY TANK". :rolleyes:
      "There are only two types of aircraft — fighters and targets."
      — Doyle 'Wahoo' Nicholson, USMC.
    • Special High Intensity Training

      From: Management
      To: All Employees
      Subject: Special High Intensity Training

      In order to assure the highest levels of quality in the work and productivity from our employees, it will now be our policy to regularly train everyone through our longstanding program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than other offices. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list.
      As you know, our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle. Employees who don't take S.H.I.T. will be placed in the DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to attend the supplemantal program, EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since your supervisors took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to take S.H.I.T. anymore. Obviously, they are full of S.H.I.T. already.
      If you are full of S.H.I.T. you may qualify for the supervisory or training position, either giving S.H.I.T. to fellow employees or training other to take S.H.I.T. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). Those of you who become skilled in B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs and eventually apply for a promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.). If you have any further questions, please direct them to: HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING. (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.)
      Thank you,
      BOSS IN GENERAL, Special High Intensity Training (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)
      "There are only two types of aircraft — fighters and targets."
      — Doyle 'Wahoo' Nicholson, USMC.
    • con instituted a new upgrade today called the chuck norris button if clicked it will immediatly win you the game however as part off new game rules you couldnt join new games for a week well the first guy who saw this button agreed with the terms however there was one unintended side effect when said player clicked the button the internet blew up
      • hello
      • Mikhail Gorbachev and his wife were on the train returning to Russia following a state visit to East Germany. After they'd been travelling a short while, his wife asked him: "Where are we now, Mikhail dear?" He put his hand out of the window and said: "We're still in Germany, dear." Several hours later, his wife asked him again: "Where are we now?" He put his hand out of the window and replied: "In Poland." Some time later, his wife asked again: "Where are we now?" Gorbachev put his hand out of the window and said: "We're back in Russia." His wife was curious; she asked: "How do you know where we are just by putting your hand out of the window?" He replied: "When I put my hand out in Germany, the people kissed it. When I put my hand out in Poland, they spat on it. And when I put my hand out in Russia, they stole my watch."
      THREE THINGS YOU MUST REMEMBER FROM ME-
      1:When you play,never foget to research as many technology as you can-later will be useful
      2:.Don't overbuild-Or when the fuel bills come,you will cry .
      3:First attack playable countries-or later they will eat you alive.
      thanks for reading.
    • That one is very popular in my country:

      Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politicsis."


      Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?"


      Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it."


      That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.


      The next morning he reported to his father.


      Son: "Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is."


      Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?"


      Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of Shit."
      THREE THINGS YOU MUST REMEMBER FROM ME-
      1:When you play,never foget to research as many technology as you can-later will be useful
      2:.Don't overbuild-Or when the fuel bills come,you will cry .
      3:First attack playable countries-or later they will eat you alive.
      thanks for reading.